Post by Harmony on Dec 28, 2012 21:14:35 GMT -8
1. First off...you are not crazy, and none of this is your fault. We cannot control the actions and jealousies of others, we can only control our reaction to it.
2. Consider your mental, emotional, psychological and physical health. If you are losing sleep, can't eat, feel nauseous on your way to work, or are experiencing any of the physical manifestations of being a target of bullying, see your GP for help. Get it documented that you are having ill effects from stress and bullying (mobbing). Many GPs are not skilled to deal with work induced stress from bullying, if they can't help you, go to a walk in clinic until you find a doctor that can help you.
3 If you have an extended health care plan through work, look to see if it covers any counseling or support from a psychologist or licensed counselor. If you do not have an extended health care plan then ask your GP if they can refer you to someone to talk about what you are going through. Make sure you ask for someone that specializes in bullying, whether it's adult or school bullying, it's the same thing.
4. Reach out to your friends and family. Talk to them about what is going on. You would be surprised how many people in your circle have been through what you are going through, but may be too ashamed to have talked about it. This can be a very demoralizing thing, adult bullying. As it affects so many areas of your life. As an adult you think this only occurs in the school yard, and that adults act differently. The larger you can make your support system the better. Don't be afraid to talk about it! Get the help you need from family and friends.
5. Document everything....I mean everything! Write down in a journal all incidents of bullying, write down the names of anyone that was present that may have witnessed the incident. Write down the dates and times that the incidences occurred. Everything that you can remember, write it down. The more information the better. Trust me on this. And the more witnesses the better. Remember this for any further conversations.
6. Start writing down what you believe would be solutions to your situation. Would a written warning to the bully help? Is your situation severe enough that only terminating the bully will help? Would educating all employees about what workplace bullying is help? Would training for all employees on how to avoid workplace bullying help? Would stronger policies regarding workplace bullying help? For every problem that you have, try to think of a solution. So that when you take your concerns to your superiors you will have solutions to offer, not just what they may view as complaints. Try to be proactive rather than reactive. I know this is hard to do when you are in the thick of things, but just try to keep being proactive in mind. It really will help you, it will give you a sense that you can get through this!
7. Some websites recommend that you talk to the bully and try to work it out. If you feel that you are strong enough to confront the bully, then make sure you have a witness!! They will help you to keep a cool head. At all times when confronting your abuser keep your words non-accusing, and non-confrontational. It is very important that you do not retaliate or sink to the level of your abuser. Keep your conversation to the facts of what the abuser did, and how it made you feel, and ask respectfully that it not happen again. If you feel strong enough to ask if there is a reason that the abuser is treating you in this manner, and talk about solutions to resolve the situation, then do so in a productive manner. Not reactive. Many bullies are sociopaths, and cannot be reasoned with, be ready to walk away with your witness if the situation cannot be talked about in a reasonable manner. I only recommend this approach if it is early on, and the rest of the work force has not been infected by the bully's lies and gossip.
8. If the bully is not your superior, go to your superior and tell them what is going on. It is better to do this early on, many situations can be resolved early on. Take someone with you to witness the conversation. They can be your moral support, it is very difficult to relive what has been happening to you. Make certain that you present the facts, try not to put your emotional spin on things. This is difficult, but as much as possible keep only to the facts.
9. If the bully is your superior, contact your human resource department. If you do not have a human resource department, contact your superior's boss. Again, have a witness with you for any face to face conversations. If you have no human resource department and your superior is the boss of all, contact WorkSafe BC and ask to speak to someone at the Mental Health Disorder Department, it is very important to ask specifically for the Mental Health Disorder Department. They should be able to refer you to someone that can help you if you don't have any recourse at work. Be prepared with the facts of what you have been through, and what you did to try to resolve the problem.
10. Be prepared for any meeting you may have. Have all of your facts typed up, have any solutions typed up, have any questions typed up. Create an outline of how you want the meeting to go, that will help to give you a reference point when talking about what is happening to you. It is an extremely emotional thing, so having an outline will help to keep you focused. And again have a witness.
11. I really can't stress the witness thing enough, it not only helps you to have an ally to help you get through telling your story, but it helps to prevent any "he said she said" in the future.
12. Save all written exchanges, this includes notes, memos, letters, post its, emails, etc. Any written exchange regarding communication about the bullying, or written exchanges of the bullying itself. Create a folder to keep all of this information in.
13. Remember, you are the only person that can help you. It is a sad fact of the matter that many are ignorant and uninformed when it comes to the problem of workplace bullying. You have to help yourself! It is difficult, but it can be done. Build your support group, reach out to support systems, educate yourself on your options, get the medical help that you need, and you can win this fight. Together we can heal.
2. Consider your mental, emotional, psychological and physical health. If you are losing sleep, can't eat, feel nauseous on your way to work, or are experiencing any of the physical manifestations of being a target of bullying, see your GP for help. Get it documented that you are having ill effects from stress and bullying (mobbing). Many GPs are not skilled to deal with work induced stress from bullying, if they can't help you, go to a walk in clinic until you find a doctor that can help you.
3 If you have an extended health care plan through work, look to see if it covers any counseling or support from a psychologist or licensed counselor. If you do not have an extended health care plan then ask your GP if they can refer you to someone to talk about what you are going through. Make sure you ask for someone that specializes in bullying, whether it's adult or school bullying, it's the same thing.
4. Reach out to your friends and family. Talk to them about what is going on. You would be surprised how many people in your circle have been through what you are going through, but may be too ashamed to have talked about it. This can be a very demoralizing thing, adult bullying. As it affects so many areas of your life. As an adult you think this only occurs in the school yard, and that adults act differently. The larger you can make your support system the better. Don't be afraid to talk about it! Get the help you need from family and friends.
5. Document everything....I mean everything! Write down in a journal all incidents of bullying, write down the names of anyone that was present that may have witnessed the incident. Write down the dates and times that the incidences occurred. Everything that you can remember, write it down. The more information the better. Trust me on this. And the more witnesses the better. Remember this for any further conversations.
6. Start writing down what you believe would be solutions to your situation. Would a written warning to the bully help? Is your situation severe enough that only terminating the bully will help? Would educating all employees about what workplace bullying is help? Would training for all employees on how to avoid workplace bullying help? Would stronger policies regarding workplace bullying help? For every problem that you have, try to think of a solution. So that when you take your concerns to your superiors you will have solutions to offer, not just what they may view as complaints. Try to be proactive rather than reactive. I know this is hard to do when you are in the thick of things, but just try to keep being proactive in mind. It really will help you, it will give you a sense that you can get through this!
7. Some websites recommend that you talk to the bully and try to work it out. If you feel that you are strong enough to confront the bully, then make sure you have a witness!! They will help you to keep a cool head. At all times when confronting your abuser keep your words non-accusing, and non-confrontational. It is very important that you do not retaliate or sink to the level of your abuser. Keep your conversation to the facts of what the abuser did, and how it made you feel, and ask respectfully that it not happen again. If you feel strong enough to ask if there is a reason that the abuser is treating you in this manner, and talk about solutions to resolve the situation, then do so in a productive manner. Not reactive. Many bullies are sociopaths, and cannot be reasoned with, be ready to walk away with your witness if the situation cannot be talked about in a reasonable manner. I only recommend this approach if it is early on, and the rest of the work force has not been infected by the bully's lies and gossip.
8. If the bully is not your superior, go to your superior and tell them what is going on. It is better to do this early on, many situations can be resolved early on. Take someone with you to witness the conversation. They can be your moral support, it is very difficult to relive what has been happening to you. Make certain that you present the facts, try not to put your emotional spin on things. This is difficult, but as much as possible keep only to the facts.
9. If the bully is your superior, contact your human resource department. If you do not have a human resource department, contact your superior's boss. Again, have a witness with you for any face to face conversations. If you have no human resource department and your superior is the boss of all, contact WorkSafe BC and ask to speak to someone at the Mental Health Disorder Department, it is very important to ask specifically for the Mental Health Disorder Department. They should be able to refer you to someone that can help you if you don't have any recourse at work. Be prepared with the facts of what you have been through, and what you did to try to resolve the problem.
10. Be prepared for any meeting you may have. Have all of your facts typed up, have any solutions typed up, have any questions typed up. Create an outline of how you want the meeting to go, that will help to give you a reference point when talking about what is happening to you. It is an extremely emotional thing, so having an outline will help to keep you focused. And again have a witness.
11. I really can't stress the witness thing enough, it not only helps you to have an ally to help you get through telling your story, but it helps to prevent any "he said she said" in the future.
12. Save all written exchanges, this includes notes, memos, letters, post its, emails, etc. Any written exchange regarding communication about the bullying, or written exchanges of the bullying itself. Create a folder to keep all of this information in.
13. Remember, you are the only person that can help you. It is a sad fact of the matter that many are ignorant and uninformed when it comes to the problem of workplace bullying. You have to help yourself! It is difficult, but it can be done. Build your support group, reach out to support systems, educate yourself on your options, get the medical help that you need, and you can win this fight. Together we can heal.